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It might be funny to watch a dysfunctional family on TV, but it’s not fun being a part of one, says Love and Logic in a recent article. Researchers have studied what makes families happy and healthy, and one important discovery has been who family members talk to when the have problems:

• In healthy families, Mom talks to Dad when she is upset with Dad.
• In unhealthy families, Mom talks to the kids when she is upset with Dad.
• In healthy families, Dad talks to Mom when he’s upset with Mom.
• In unhealthy families, Dad talks to his friends when he is upset with Mom.
• In healthy families, Junior talks to Dad when he wants something from Dad.
• In unhealthy families, Junior talks to Mom when he wants something from Dad.
• In healthy families, Junior talks to his teacher when he doesn’t understand an assignment.
• In unhealthy families, Mom and Dad talk to Junior’s teacher when Junior doesn’t understand an assignment.

The pattern is probably clear by now. Healthy communication involves going directly to the party involved in the problem, rather than involving a third party. The shortest distance between two points is a straight line, and quickest way to a solution means going to the person involved. Read the whole article here.

Originally posted 2017-04-13 13:35:36. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

When children get themselves in a bind, whether it’s forgotten homework, a lost permission slip, a left-behind lunch, or something more serious, parents usually have a strong urge to solve the problem for their child. The parent swoops in to save the day, and the problem is gone. But the child just learned that my parent will solve my problems for me, and that problems aren’t really that uncomfortable. They missed a chance to learn that actions have consequences.

Self-confidence, responsibility, character, and resiliency all find their foundation in the same place. They grow out of the opportunities children create when they make poor decisions and are faced with the consequences that follow.

Wise parents over-ride their own natural tendencies to rescue or to tell kids how to deal with these opportunities. If they don’t, the opportunities are lost. Over a period of time, youngsters start to believe that others are smarter and more capable than they are.

Jake called his dad from college to say that his car had been towed. He tried to explain that it wasn’t his fault because the parking sign was not easy to see.

Dad replied, “Oh, that is sad. What do you think you are going to do?”

“Well, Dad, I was thinking you need to send me $200 so I can get the car out of the impound lot.”

Wise parents don’t rescue kids from their mistakes

Keep reading to find out how Dad responded.

Originally posted 2015-11-11 10:23:34. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

A story was told of a parent that called a national radio show about her son. He had apparently been skipping class and was past the point of a mandatory failing grade, but had used a deception to skirt the rules. When the parent found out, she called to seek advice about how to help her son avoid failing.

Parents are often tempted to look for ways that minimize the pain their children experience, even when that pain was caused by their child’s poor choice. But separating a consequence from an action is not the best way to show love to a child. Minimizing that pain now makes it more likely that the child will experience increased pain in the future as he repeats the same mistake over and over. A wise parent lets their child experience the logical consequences of their choices, and then shows them love through the situation. Said another way, a wise parent “can either stand between his [child’s] bad decision and the consequences, or she can stand beside him, supporting him as he learns from it. She can’t do both.”

Here’s a better response to the class skipper:

“What a sad situation, Toby. How do you want to confess? Do you want to do it in person, in writing, or would you rather have me help you by going with you to the principal’s office? I bet you might like a hug right now. I know that I do.”

Letting a child learn from their mistakes before the consequences become serious is the most loving way parents can handle the problems their children cause.

Read more about this here.

Originally posted 2016-10-18 13:45:47. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Originally posted 2016-06-18 07:02:54. Republished by Blog Post Promoter