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I’ve come to a conclusion regarding my kids: I have to love them enough to let them fail. Let me clarify. We all want the best for our kids. We want them to grow up happy, healthy, and most of all successful. We put a lot of emphasis on that last bit, successful. Why? Simple. We won’t be around forever, and we want to know that they’re going to be okay when we’re gone. Something that has been bothering me though, is that in trying so hard to make them succeed, we’ve set them up to truly fail.

We’ve made them afraid of failure. It’s as if we’ve come to the conclusion that if they don’t receive recognition or reward for everything they do, their tiny egos won’t be able to handle it. Why are more and more kids presenting with crippling cases of depression and anxiety? Because we don’t let them learn to deal with failure, frustration, and adversity. We don’t let them develop the tools to turn failure into success. We let them skip the work and go straight to the reward, never showing them how they’re supposed to get there.

It’s our job to teach them that losing isn’t the end of the world and that wanting something doesn’t equal deserving it. They have to learn that just showing up isn’t enough if they want to win the trophy or the gold star. The only truly worthwhile participation award is experience. If they want the gold, they’re going to have to work for it.

I’m not going to do your homework for you. I’m not going to jump up and down and scream at your little league coach that you need more play time when there are other kids who are performing better for the team. If you want to make the starting line-up, it’s going to take time. It’s going to take practice. It’s going to hurt, and it’s going to take sacrifice. You have to make the decision if it’s worth it. I can’t make that decision for you. By the way, I still love you.

The rest of the article is worth reading. Mistakes are a good teacher. Students need to learn that mistakes can help them to success in the future. But students can’t learn this if they aren’t allowed to make mistakes or to feel the consequences of their mistakes.

Read the rest:

I’m Learning to Let My Kids Fail Now – So They’ll Be Successful Later https://www.fatherly.com/love-money/lessons-kids-learn-from-failure/

Originally posted 2018-10-06 09:12:45. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Some students struggle with getting started on homework or other work at home. It can become a battle of wills or a temptation to issue threats and assert control. Love and Logic suggests looking for ways to share control and give choices, before things get difficult:

• Will you be starting your schoolwork now or in five minutes?
• What do you want to start with? Math or reading?
• Do you want to make a goal of working for 30 minutes before your break, or would 25 minutes be better?
• Will you be doing your work while sitting or standing?
• Do you think it would be best to draft something on pencil or paper… or begin your work directly on the computer?
• Would you like my help or would you prefer working alone?
• Do you want to learn in the kitchen or in the family room?
• Will you be working while keeping your body still, or would you rather see how much you can wiggle while still getting it done?
• Should we start with the hardest part first or the easiest?
• Would you rather help me with chores or get started on your schoolwork?

Read the rest of the article here.

Originally posted 2020-04-20 09:44:47. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Learning is a train, get on board.

Originally posted 2020-09-17 14:12:04. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

It’s a trap to think that in order for us to be happy, we need to put ourselves first. Scientists have evidence that one way to increase happiness is to be thankful and grateful:

The video above gives one easy way to put others first by making a “gratitude chart.”

Here are some other ideas from Love and Logic:

• Make sure to love your student in a selfless way.
• Teach them to serve you and their family. “Do your kids have a list of contributions (a.k.a. “chores”) that they need to complete by various days or times of the week? Are you holding them accountable for failing to complete the duties by the prescribed deadlines? Are you doing this with empathy… rather than anger, lectures, threats, or bribes?”
• Expect tangible mini acts of service. ” Should our children be seated when older adults have to stand? What wonderful lessons can be learned when we expect them to rise and offer their seat to someone else? Are your kids holding doors open for people? When in line are they offering someone to go ahead of them? Are they offering to carry something for someone who is struggling?”
• Allow boredom. “Since they have a phone or tablet, and have constant access to videos as their parents shop or do similar less-than-stimulating things, they are being entertained. When we do this, are we stealing from them? Might this practice be contributing to the number of young people who have absolutely no impulse control skills?”
• Limit exposure to popular media. “Are the relationships portrayed in most television shows, modern movies, and other media, the kinds we want our kids emulating?”
• Community service… as a privilege not a punishment. “Too frequently “community service” is viewed as something only done by drunk drivers and others who’ve broken the law. In a Love and Logic home, community service is not designed to be a punishment… it’s intended to be an opportunity… a privilege. It’s intended to be seen as an opportunity to be part of something important, needed, and noble.”

Read the full article here.

Originally posted 2017-11-13 17:36:31. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Originally posted 2016-10-15 08:03:36. Republished by Blog Post Promoter