Has someone ever said to you, “Just try it, it’s easy!” and then you found out the task they coaxed you into trying was painfully difficult? Did this leave you feeling exceptionally capable or downright stupid…and embarrassed?
When this happens to the average adult, it doesn’t take long for them to conclude two things:
This person who’s trying to help me is nuts…and definitely not to be trusted!
Why should I try if I can’t even handle the easy stuff?
Quite frequently I overhear well-meaning parents and educators using the “Just try it, it’s easy!” approach in an attempt to urge a reluctant child into trying something they’re afraid of. When the child finds the task easy, all is right with the world. When they don’t, they’re confronted with the pain of seeing that they might be so slow that they can’t even do something really, really “easy”!
Keep reading to find out how to help motivate your student to keep working through difficult tasks.
Originally posted 2011-09-22 16:57:17. Republished by Blog Post Promoter
Some students struggle with getting started on homework or other work at home. It can become a battle of wills or a temptation to issue threats and assert control. Love and Logic suggests looking for ways to share control and give choices, before things get difficult:
Will you be starting your schoolwork now or in five minutes?
What do you want to start with? Math or reading?
Do you want to make a goal of working for 30 minutes before your break, or would 25 minutes be better?
Will you be doing your work while sitting or standing?
Do you think it would be best to draft something on pencil or paper… or begin your work directly on the computer?
Would you like my help or would you prefer working alone?
Do you want to learn in the kitchen or in the family room?
Will you be working while keeping your body still, or would you rather see how much you can wiggle while still getting it done?
Should we start with the hardest part first or the easiest?
Would you rather help me with chores or get started on your schoolwork?
The key to success with this technique involves remembering three things:
Give most of your choices before your child becomes resistant… not after.
With each choice provide two options, each of which you like.
Be prepared to choose for your child if they don’t select an option you provided.
It’s a trap to think that in order for us to be happy, we need to put ourselves first. Scientists have evidence that one way to increase happiness is to be thankful and grateful:
The video above gives one easy way to put others first by making a “gratitude chart.”
Here are some other ideas from Love and Logic:
Make sure to love your student in a selfless way.
Teach them to serve you and their family. “Do your kids have a list of contributions (a.k.a. “chores”) that they need to complete by various days or times of the week? Are you holding them accountable for failing to complete the duties by the prescribed deadlines? Are you doing this with empathy… rather than anger, lectures, threats, or bribes?”
Expect tangible mini acts of service. ” Should our children be seated when older adults have to stand? What wonderful lessons can be learned when we expect them to rise and offer their seat to someone else? Are your kids holding doors open for people? When in line are they offering someone to go ahead of them? Are they offering to carry something for someone who is struggling?”
Allow boredom. “Since they have a phone or tablet, and have constant access to videos as their parents shop or do similar less-than-stimulating things, they are being entertained. When we do this, are we stealing from them? Might this practice be contributing to the number of young people who have absolutely no impulse control skills?”
Limit exposure to popular media. “Are the relationships portrayed in most television shows, modern movies, and other media, the kinds we want our kids emulating?”
Community service… as a privilege not a punishment. “Too frequently “community service” is viewed as something only done by drunk drivers and others who’ve broken the law. In a Love and Logic home, community service is not designed to be a punishment… it’s intended to be an opportunity… a privilege. It’s intended to be seen as an opportunity to be part of something important, needed, and noble.”
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