MrHowd.com

Has someone ever said to you, “Just try it, it’s easy!” and then you found out the task they coaxed you into trying was painfully difficult? Did this leave you feeling exceptionally capable or downright stupid…and embarrassed?

When this happens to the average adult, it doesn’t take long for them to conclude two things:

• This person who’s trying to help me is nuts…and definitely not to be trusted!
• Why should I try if I can’t even handle the easy stuff?

Quite frequently I overhear well-meaning parents and educators using the “Just try it, it’s easy!” approach in an attempt to urge a reluctant child into trying something they’re afraid of. When the child finds the task easy, all is right with the world. When they don’t, they’re confronted with the pain of seeing that they might be so slow that they can’t even do something really, really “easy”!

Originally posted 2011-09-22 16:57:17. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Judy saved her own life. She used to listen when her kids argued with her. She used to fall for their manipulation. When her teen daughter said, “You love Billy more than me!” she used to get upset and insist, “That’s not true! I love you BOTH!”

Now she takes better care of herself. When the arguing and manipulation start, Judy goes brain dead. She doesn’t listen to the words lest she be tempted to do something dumb – like respond.

Originally posted 2011-09-14 16:22:02. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Love and Logic tells the interesting story of a child that saved up money received from his grandma. His parents helped him use the value of a dollar to learn the value of good behavior:

Money wasn’t the only thing he saved. He also stored up lots of energy for when Mom and Dad went out. In fact, so much energy that he wore out every babysitter in town.

Mom finally convinced a sitter to work with her to help Junior realize the error of his ways. The deal: If he was good, Mom and Dad would pay for the sitter. If he wasn’t, he paid. This got his attention.

And I bet you can imagine how the next babysitting session went!

Love and Logic suggests using natural consequences like this to teach responsibility. You might be able to find several places you could use this in your family:

• Parents pay for good dentist visits, and children pay for the bad ones if their cavities are caused by not being responsible to brush their teeth.
• Parents pay students to complete some chores (Dave Ramsey says to call this a commission, not an allowance). What if they don’t do the chores? They don’t get paid. Maybe they even pay their parent or sibling to do the chore that they were supposed to do.

What about paying for grades? People disagree about if parents should do this, with some saying paying for grades is like adults getting paid for work. That’s close, but adults are paid for hours worked, not usually on the results of a certain product. So you probably shouldn’t pay for grades.

But if you’ve already started or committed to paying for grades, research shows that if you stop, your student will likely not work as hard for their grades. So you might need to continue for a while, and if you do, this Love and Logic tip might apply. Parents pay for the good grades, and students pay for the bad ones, especially if you have evidence (missing assignments, students not doing their daily homework time, arguments) that they didn’t try their hardest.

Again, paying for grades should not be your top way to motivate your student. If you don’t pay for grades, don’t start now. But if you do, try the tip from this article. And certainly with other areas of your student’s responsibility, look for ways that a student’s greedy little heart for cash can teach them that their actions have consequences.

Originally posted 2016-10-03 06:18:15. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Originally posted 2015-12-19 07:13:07. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

The American College of Pediatricians has a good article about the difference between reacting versus responsding to kids.

Reacting means that you meet your child’s emotionally-charged behavior with your own emotionally-charged reply. Responding, on the other hand, gives your child permission to express their big emotions, ideas and feelings without criticism, shame or guilt.”

Read the rest here.

Originally posted 2016-04-11 19:47:00. Republished by Blog Post Promoter